Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43:19)
One time long ago this guy I barely knew came up to me after an evening church service. It was sometime in the 1990’s. At that time I was really into Sunday worship and trying to give God my ‘as close to 100 percent’ as was possible for me. God was showing me things regularly. He was answering my questions. When I sang to Him, the beauty of His Spirit would touch me and I would cry. It was a sweet time- like Jesus has been sweet to me from the beginning.
Anyway, this guy~ he comes up and says while was looking at me he saw a picture or vision about me. I asked him what it was. He said he saw a desert- a wasteland with cracked dust spreading to the horizon.
Weird. I was having such a rich time with God- I wasn’t thirsty! It didn’t make sense at all. I couldn’t imagine a time when I didn’t have all the answers- for I had learned all the subtleties they don’t officially teach but still teach in Sunday church.
I’ve had a lot of stuff happen since then. I’ve recognized my own inability to follow God the way I thought I was going to. I put a lot of effort into things- and seemingly accomplished little. I discovered the answers I knew had two sides of perception and interpretation- the one involving speaking answers to someone else about how they could deal with their experience and the one I had to test as I personally lived through the tough times myself. I wasn’t learning anything new- because I was afraid to ask any more questions!
I could choose to look at this time as a barren time. I wasn’t leading anyone closer to Christ. I wasn’t raising kids who embraced all they could become with discipline and had no problems. I didn’t love God more and more until the selfish me faded into obscurity. I haven’t even learned how to keep a clean house!
But I’ve learned something. You can walk through a desert if you bring a full canteen. You can look around bewildered, saying, ‘which way now?’ Over there you peer- nothing much to be seen~ all around you, the same results. I’m stuck in the middle of my life. When I set out to follow Him, I was in the green forest of freshness. When I get to the end of my time here, I’ll glimpse the lushness around the doors of Heaven.
But for now I need Him still. Jesus I can’t find my way without You. I should be mature by now but I’m still a kid clinging to Your hand.
And how beautiful He is~ like a well springing up; I find He’s still with me. Whether I’m young and fresh or old and bitter, He’s there, seeing me as His child.